Here goes.

Ok so I guess I’m writing this out for my own personal needs but I’m sharing it because when I first started this thing I said that I wanted anyone who ended up here to feel a little less alone in this world so here goes.

So far, in only 31 days, 2015 has left me speechless. That can prove to be unfortunate when writing a blog but I don’t mean in the writer’s block kind of way, I mean literally I cannot formulate complete thoughts to adequately express where I am.

What started out as blind optimism quickly turned to frustration when my blog was experiencing so many technical difficulties and it seemed I was never going to figure it out/get it fixed. All of that quickly became trivial when heartbreak came in with the loss of my wonderful friend Nikita. Which then became complete and total confusion.

I wish I could say I’m all “live life to the fullest” and whatnot but I’m not sure that I am. I’m almost embarrassed to say that for a brief moment in time, I thought I was finally starting to understand life just a little bit. It’s all a part of the journey I suppose. Confusion, questions, answers, inspiration…confusion, questions, no answers, inspiration… Life. You tricky, tricky thing you.

I swear I’m not trying to be negative, I’m just trying to accept the confusion all while holding on to the joy and positivity I have in my heart and that Niki’s legacy inspires.

I have some finished stuff that didn’t get posted over the last couple weeks with everything that’s been going on so I’ll be playing catch up for a minute (read- you’ll finally see my Christmas update! Ha!). Hopefully that will give me some time to figure out some answers. Or “no answers”. There is inspiration and beauty in both. Somehow. Not sure how. But I believe it. I truly, truly believe it.

I am so thankful that one of my sweet childhood friends, Amber (who was super close with Niki) sent me a few photos from our days together as youngin’s. It brought joy to my heart to see these photos so I want to share them with you.

So much love to you all.

x